Just As She Is
by Kathryn G
Summary: After the events of The Girl in the Fireplace, Rose feels that she is not good enough to be with the Doctor. After reading about Madame de Pompadour and dressing in period dress, the Doctor shows her just how much she means to him.


"And what about this door? What's in here then?" Mickey Smith asked of Rose Tyler as he gestured towards a door they hadn't been through yet.

"I dunno. I haven't noticed it before. Let's find out, yeah?" She pushed against it, but it didn't budge. "Guess not." She started to walk past it, but then paused. "Unless…you try it." She smiled and Mickey shrugged.

"Don't know why it will make much difference." But he tried anyway and the door opened.

"I was right, must be your room. No wonder I hadn't noticed it before."

"My room? I get a room?" He stepped in, curious. Rose followed and looked around her. It was still quite plain, but very comfortable with a big bed and a desk with a computer. She laughed.

"Looks like the TARDIS knows you a bit already. It'll change as it gets to know you more. Mine used to look like this. But now it's all sorts of pink. Speaking of…" She yawned and smiled.

"Yeah, me too. Been a busy day."

"Just a bit. Who knew France on a spaceship could be so much trouble. 'Night Mickey." She leaned forward and kissed him.

"Are you sure you don't want to start sharing rooms?" He asked, his eyebrows rose teasingly. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in for another kiss. She kissed him back, but when they pulled away again she shook her head.

"Nah, not tonight. Sorry, I'm just really tired. I think I might take a bath."

"Yeah ok." He looked disappointed, but he seemed to understand. "G'night babe." After another kiss he closed the door and Rose headed back towards the console room.

To her disappointment, she found it empty. The TARDIS hummed in its usual soothing way, but she felt that its tune was sad. She sighed, feeling a bit bad about lying to Mickey. She wasn't tired in the slightest. What she really wanted was to find the Doctor and ask him what happened. One moment he had been jumping all over the place with excitement and the next he had walked into the TARDIS. Without Reinette. At first Rose had been pleased to see him alone, but when she saw how sad he looked, she regretted feeling anything but sympathy.

Part of her was glad Mickey had been there to distract her, to pull her away and have her show him the rest of the TARDIS. Yet there was a larger part that just wanted to run back to the Doctor and ask again if he was ok. She knew he wouldn't tell her, she wondered if she would ever know what happened to Reinette. Had she refused to come with him? Well that would be her own fault then. Only an idiot would choose not to travel with the Doctor.

The corridors of the TARDIS felt colder than usual and Rose wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she hurried down them. She thought she was heading towards her room, but was surprised to find herself at the entrance to the library. With the possibility of finding the Doctor inside lingering in her mind, she stepped inside. It was considerably warmer in the library, largely due to a fire that was burning in the fireplace near some comfy chairs. Rose moved immediately towards it to warm herself.

No little French girls in this fireplace, Rose thought to herself. There was also no Doctor. Rose knew from experience that he wouldn't be found until he wanted to be, so she started to browse the large collection of books. She had never been a very avid reader, but had read a few since she had joined the Doctor. He had selected his favorites for her, and she had loved all of them. She smiled as she passed his Harry Potter collection (not just seven) remembering that she had read the seventh novel before it had even been published in her time.

Rose's hand paused as she started to pull a Jane Austen novel off the shelf. She quickly replaced it and hurried off to the historical section. Scanning the titles, her eye finally fell upon just the book she was looking for. She carried it back to the fire and flopped down on one of the chairs. Taking a deep breath, Rose opened her book and started to read about Jeanne Antoinette Poisson.

Being the impatient person she had always been, she read about the woman's death first. The idea that the Doctor had been too late had been nagging in the back of Rose's mind since he had told her he was always alright. Time had passed differently on the other side of the fireplace after all, years could have easily passed. Sure enough, Madame de Pompadour had died at age 42, just five years after the clockwork droids had tried to kill her. Rose sucked in a deep breath and tried to keep herself from crying, but was unsuccessful. She didn't cry for the woman she was reading about, she cried for her Doctor.

After a few minutes, Rose collected herself and decided to keep reading. Far from making her feel better, Reinette's many accomplishments made the shop girl from London feel steadily worse. After reading about how the actress/singer/courtesan became the king's mistress, Rose carefully closed the book and set it aside.

If anyone deserved the Doctor's hearts, Rose thought to herself, it had been Madame de Pompadour. What did a 20 year old girl from London have in comparison? She hadn't even tried A levels, she had only ever sung in a high school choir, and as for acting, she was miserable at memorizing lines.

For the second time that night, Rose started out with the intention of going to bed and ended up in another part of the TARDIS. This time she entered the TARDIS wardrobe, an idea in her head that couldn't be dismissed. She stopped in front of a mirror and stared miserably at her reflection. She had never been particularly stylish. She preferred jeans, t shirts and hoodies to jewlelry and heels. Cassandra's voice echoed cruelly through Rose's head. "Chavtastic." Well, that was exactly what she was.

Rose tried to shake the thoughts from her head, feeling silly for suddenly becoming so self conscious. She had never felt bad about her appearance while she was with the Doctor before, but her relationship with him was changing. Or maybe it wasn't, but she wanted it to. There had been times when she had seen him looking at her and thought that maybe he was thinking the same things about her. But now that seemed ridiculous. With all the women in time and space, why would he ever love her?

Turning away from the mirror, Rose approached the rows and rows of clothes. She was not very surprised when the very dress she was looking for happened to be right in front. The TARDIS had done this for her several times when she needed to dress in period clothes in a hurry. She had been disappointed initially, having wanted to spend more time with the beautiful dresses and other interesting fashions, but tonight she knew just what she wanted.

The gown was much heavier than she had expected it to be and she had trouble removing it from the rack and even more trouble putting it on. More than an hour later, Rose stood in front of the mirror once again. This time she was dressed in an elaborate ball gown from the 1700s. Her hair was up in a way that resembled Reinette, her face covered in makeup and jewels covered her chest and dangled from her ears.

She had hoped that she would look glamourous, stately and magnificent. But it hadn't turned out that way. She could barely move in the huge, heavy skirt and the heels didn't help. She tripped twice and nearly fell over several times. Rather than make her look beautiful, the jewels made her look plainer than before. She tried smiling but hated the site of her huge teeth. To make matters worse, the TARDIS was warm now and she was beginning to sweat in the confining gown.

Angry at herself for being so stupid, Rose started to pull impatiently at the laces of the dress when she heard someone say her name softly behind her. She didn't have to turn around to know who it was and turned crimson while still facing away. She swallowed hard and fixed her face into what she hoped was the opposite of what she was feeling.

"Hello Doctor." She said with a fake smile, finally turning around.

"Playing dress up then?" He said, his eyes looked her up and down. She wished they wouldn't.

"Well, I just thought…ya know." She swallowed again. "I was wondering how comfortable these were." She shifted uncomfortably.

"And how do you find it?" He asked, moving closer to her.

"Not. At all. And I'm not sure I'll be able to ever get out of it." As soon as she said the words she wanted to suck them back in. She was quite sure it wasn't possible to be any redder than she was now.

The Doctor laughed. "Do you need help? I could get Mickey to come-"

"No! I can't imagine what he'd say if he saw me in this." She laughed awkwardly. "No, I'm sure I'll be able to manage." The Doctor shook his head and helped her undo the laces at the back of the gown. Rose was glad that she was wearing enough 16th century underwear to not be embarrassed by the situation she was in. She cursed herself again for getting herself into this while she pulled off the necklace and earrings. "Not quite easy as Reinette made it look." Rose said more to herself than the Doctor.

"Well," The Doctor said, "She had years of practice. That was her life wasn't it?"

"Yeah I guess so." Rose answered. There were a few moments of silence and then Rose spoke again, hesitantly. "Doctor."

"Hmm," he murmured, still untying her dress.

"I'm sorry. About Reinette."

"Yeah." He said it softly, his voice barely audible. More silence. "Well, there you are, free from your restraints." He helped her pull the gown off over her head before she picked up her normal clothes and stepped behind a curtain. She changed as quickly as she could and shook her hair out of the bun it had been in. When she stepped out again, the Doctor was still there, waiting for her.

"Here I am. Just me again. Bit boring." She looked down at herself and smoothed the front of her t-shirt.

"You?" The Doctor walked towards her. "Rose Tyler? Boring? Never." He smiled at her.

"D'you mean that?" She asked. And then changed her mind. "Sorry, I'm feeling sort of… I mean…" She trailed off, feeling herself turn red again. "I should go. Get some sleep or something. Maybe check on Mickey." She started to leave but stopped when the Doctor spoke.

"Course I mean it." She turned, but didn't say anything. "Do you really think I would travel with someone who bored me? Where is the fun in that? Speaking of, if I am not very much mistaken, we happen to be in the Jaharian Galaxy minutes from the most beautiful fire storm I have ever seen. And believe me, I've seen it, oh, nine times now? Would you care to join me?"

Rose smiled, for real this time. "Should I get Mickey?" She asked.

"Well…if you want. But we might miss it. We should probably go. Now." Rose nodded and the Doctor took her hand and pulled her along, out into the wardrobe, into the console room and finally out of the TARDIS doors.

The two of them stepped out onto the edge of a cliff that dropped off into a brilliant valley that was made of orange, yellow and red rock. The sky was dark purple, stars glittered brighter than Rose had ever seen them before. After she took in the overwhelming site, her eyes adjusted and she noticed something else. The large, slightly green tinted moon cast enough light to show several figures that were in different spots around edges of the valley. As Rose looked closer she realized what they all were. The TARDIS.

"Are they all you?" Rose asked the man at her side.

"I believe so. I remember being some of them. And unless someone steals my TARDIS in the future, the rest should be me as well. I've never looked at them too closely. Could be a bad idea." Rose nodded and walked forward, closer to the edge of the cliff. Some of the blue boxes had one figure standing next to it, others had two. She could only make out specific figures of the two closest to her. She could barely make out a Doctor, shorter than the one she was with, who seemed to be wearing a tweed jacket and bowtie. There was a woman with him and they were holding hands, staring up at the sky. The other Doctor she could see was alone. Rose squinted hard and then gave a little gasp as she realized it was her Doctor. Her first Doctor. His hands were folded over his chest and he was looking down into the valley, rather than looking up. She resisted the urge to call out to him, and instead returned to the Doctor she was with.

"It's starting." He said and they took each other's hands again. The Doctor pointed to the West and Rose stared as what looked like a ribbon of fire came rushing towards them. As it came closer, Rose squeezed the Doctor's hand tighter. Without warning, the ribbon exploded and fire covered the entire sky. It changed colors, from orange, to red, to blue. At one point, Rose realized she had been holding her breath and slowly let it pass through her lips. With it came an unexpected sob. Tears had been streaming down her face for some time now. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. And then, faster than it had come, it was gone. "Burned out." The Doctor explained to her later.

Rose's eyes trailed down from the sky and rested once again on her first Doctor. To her surprise, he was looking right at her. Then he turned, walked into his TARDIS and dematerialized. "Thank you Doctor." Rose finally said. "That was…" But she couldn't find the words. And then she realized she didn't need words. The Doctor had shared a moment with her that obviously meant a great deal to him and one that he didn't take just anyone to see. Just by taking her along in the TARDIS, just by showing her the stars, the Doctor had told her just how important she was. He would have other lives, other people who he would choose as companions because that was who he was, who he would always be. But he had let Rose be one of them, and that, she realized suddenly, was all she needed.


End file.
